


Feu et Glace

by uebermensch



Series: postCarD [1]
Category: Cardinal (TV 2017)
Genre: 4x01, 4x03, CarDelorme, Cardilorme, Cardinal (TV 2017) Season 4, Episode: s04e01 Robert, Episode: s04e03 Barry, F/M, Male-Female Friendship, S04e03, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Until the Night, s04e01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uebermensch/pseuds/uebermensch
Summary: "Fire and Ice" is a follow-on to the conversation between Josh and Lise in her apartment, from CARDINAL episode 4x03 “Barry”, including the ghosts of missed opportunities between Lise and John from episode 4x01 “Robert”. Canon up to the point where Josh leaves and Lise heads back upstairs; the following is a COMPLETE one-shot.
Relationships: John Cardinal & Lise Delorme, John Cardinal/Lise Delorme
Series: postCarD [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716949
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Feu et Glace

**Author's Note:**

> I’m in awe at the writing, and at all of the actors’ portrayals, especially from Campbell and Vanasse. Here, I’m borrowing for a little while the characters by Giles Blunt and the interpretations from Sienna Films and eOne. This is a hopeful view for #CarDelorme, but I reluctantly accept there are other possibilities. It doesn’t matter if I’m wrong; it matters more that I had to give voice to some ideas I had. Finally, I’ve a soft spot for Toronto and parts of central and eastern Ontario.

The front door closed, squeezing the last of the frigid air out into the winter night.

Lise stood at the bottom of the stairwell. With the box of belongings of the past in her hands, Josh’s gracious words lingered in her mind.

_I should’ve told him much earlier how I didn’t want that life. I thought I wanted all of that and more. I was wrong._

She glanced up, wondering about the future and about the other person upstairs at her table. Finally, she moved one foot in front of the other, padding slowly and quietly up the stairs.

The moment she saw Cardinal sitting at her kitchen table, she knew something had changed. The warm mysterious atmosphere from before had vanished, and in its place was yet another barrier.

_There is no way he didn’t hear what Josh said to me downstairs._

“Everything okay?” He wouldn’t look at her.

“Yeah.” _Osti de merde; no, it’s not._

‘It’ was between them again. If not a big case, ‘it’ was something personal. If not something personal, ‘it’ would be a new case. And if not about work, ‘it’ would be something or someone else.

She sighed, and put the box down onto the floor.

He got up from the chair, all sorts of awkward again. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

By the time he made his way down to her front door, something snapped into place for Lise, and she moved quickly to the top of the stairs.

“John, wait.”

“Yeah?” He stopped, his hand hovered over the doorknob. He turned, his head up to the mirror on the wall halfway up the stairs. Despite distance and elevation, he could feel the heat of her gaze in reflection, the waves of a storm behind her eyes.

“Don’t leave.”

Simple words. With much more that needed to be said. And if he let her, she’d tell him. And if he could muster up the courage, he could tell her, too.But he could feel the slow build, that familiar wave of resistance, to hold on strong and not let go.

“Lise, it’s probably best I go … so … uh … you can get some rest. We can start again fresh, tomorrow. For the case.”

She made it halfway down the stairs. Her hands on the handrail, she looked at him closely. “This case … you’re not gonna sleep much tonight, are you?”

“I’m fine.” In less than one year inside the A.B.P.D., she already knew him well. He had long acknowledged the danger, that she could break through his wall of resistance.

She descended the rest of the way, stopping a couple of steps above ground. She reached out with her hand, palm up, clasping empty air, urging him to comply. He looked down at her wordless command, and put his hand in hers. She held on, leading him gently back up to the top of the stairs. Letting go of his hand, she walked around to sit where she had before Josh’s arrival. She patted at the empty seat at the end of the table. “Come; sit.”

She could see the internal struggle on his face, the slight twitch of worry in his cheeks. His body language screamed the simultaneous urge to escape and the need to stay. She also saw the very moment he surrendered, before the slight slump of his shoulders, as he took his place beside her.

“Uh, I heard everything. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’d be surprised if you didn’t.”

“Any regrets?” Finally, he looked up and saw in her no anger or judgement. Only serene and interested.

“Not really, no.” She paused and took a deep calming breath. “Wanna talk?”

“Yeah. Where do we even begin?” His small rueful grin was met by one of her own.

Gathering her thoughts, she took a cautious step, into the unknown. “This period in time, this place we’re in, the darkness, all of it has to come to an end, you know.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“Do you? Do you believe me when I tell you none of it is your fault?”

He looked away. “Like I said in Toronto, it’s hard for me … to think about it in any other way.”

“Hey.” She placed her hand on his arm, forcing him to look at her. “Don’t you trust me?” 

“I do.”

“John, none of it is your fault.”

“Hmm.”

Vague again, she thought. “Don’t do that,” she scolded, kindly.

“Do what?”

“Punishing yourself like this.”

“You know how I get. You’ve seen what I can do, the places I go. It’s not pretty.”

She could tell he was playing defensive, but she wasn’t fazed. “I’ve also seen the other side. I know what you’re like, when we’re in between the ‘deep and heavy’, when a case doesn’t consume you whole.”

"Maybe.”

“Maybe?” She arched an eyebrow. “At work, you have our admiration and respect: you know that, don’t you? All of us: Dyson, Commanda, McLeod, Kular, Fox, Harris, and me.”

“Fox? I give that kid a hard time ...”

“Yeah, you should lighten up on him. But only a little …”

“Huh. Well, that’s nice of you to say. Truth is I don’t pay a lot of attention. I just … ”

“… wanna catch the perps, I know.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve also seen what you’re like with Kelly.”

He smiled about how his daughter had turned out, without inheriting the problems of her parents. “I’m proud of her.”

“You should be. She’s a remarkable woman.”

“About Josh … I… I’m sorry …”

“Why?”

He couldn’t help himself, the thought he could be to blame. “I’m sorry, Lise … that you … a family … by now … that … ”

“I’m not asking for that. It’s not the life I want. I make my own choices. For good or for bad, they are my choices to make.”

“OK.”

Satisfied with his answer, she pressed on. “Seriously, John. What’s going on? Is it about the dreams you’ve been having?”

He had already told her some of it, but spared her the details. _To an end, ultimately of failure or death._

He put his heads to his face, rubbing the fatigue from his eyes. “No, it's not that. In all honesty … I … I’m at a loss. I’m not sure what I should do about the house. I’m living out of boxes in my apartment. And Kelly … she worries about me. She wants to come up and help, sell the house, get things in order, and … and … ”

“And what?”

"I think she wants to be closer; she wants me around. You know, so she can keep an eye on her old man.”

“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Do you think she’ll come back to Algonquin Bay?”

“No. I don’t think so. She’s smart; she understands she can make her own life elsewhere, that she’ll be happier somewhere else.”

Lise tried to keep her voice even. “I see.”

John turned his head to her. “Do you?”

“Yes, I do. Do **you** see?”

He waited a beat, taking another step forward by saying it out loud. “Kelly wants me to move to Toronto.”

“Makes sense: she wants her Dad around.”

He nodded. “And what about you, Lise?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you … think about … uh…” _Me in Toronto?_

 _About Toronto? Or about you and me? “_ You know I like what I’m doing, what we’ve accomplished here. But I think this new job will be a chance for me to make an even bigger difference. Also, the bigger city holds a lot more for me. That’s what Catherine’s exhibition reminded me. That there’s a huge variety of art, music, theatre, food, culture: I miss that.”

He nodded. “Yeah. When I was off the job, I remember Catherine and I, we used to go around the city, chasing places and vantage points for her to photograph. And we’d visit countless galleries because when she … when she was on the up … she was always hungry for inspiration. We saw a lot of the city. She learned a lot. And I always learned something new about Catherine from her pictures.”

“Can you imagine yourself back in Toronto?”

“I didn’t. Maybe, I couldn’t … I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not sure.”

“John, I see it like this. There are fewer reasons for you to be here. You came back to Algonquin Bay for Catherine.” Lise paused, seeing the residual pain etched deep on his weathered face. “But you have a decision to make. Sell the house, and the final reason for you to stay goes away. The end to your past life. But I repeat what I said from before. You can still have a new life. Whatever you want.” _Whomever you want._

 _“_ I can’t stay on homicide indefinitely, can I?” A rhetorical question with which he was beginning to come to terms. He had realized some time ago he couldn’t go on forever with the strain of his obsessive-compulsive nature to handling homicide cases.

“No. Not if you want to keep your health; your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.”

“What would I do in Toronto?”

A hint of a smile spread from her lips to her cheeks, warming the space between them. “Could you go back to UC? On a management basis, that is. Or do you even want to?”

“No. I’m a little too old for UC; it’s a younger man’s game.”

“Maybe you should consider passing on your wisdom and experience.”

“Teach? Me?”

“You taught me. I mean, you knew I came here to investigate you. You also taught me to trust my gut a little more.”

He nodded. “Mmm-hmm.” She had a point there.

“Your solve rate is superb, John.”

“ **Our** solve rate, Lise. We make a good team.”

“Yes, we do.”

Another warm wordless gaze between them on the growing list, another little sparkle of liquid light in the other’s eyes.

John cleared his throat. “Tell ya what: I’ll call some people in Toronto. And I’ll think about it.” He saw the involuntary narrowing of her eyes and the slight tilt of her head. “Seriously, Lise. I’ll think about it.”

“And you’re going to call Kelly to tell her you’ll think about it?”

“Yes, I’ll do that, too.”

“Promise?” _To think about the possibility, about a fresh start for you and me._

“Promise.” _To think about what this might all mean._

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Yeah yeah. You know you’re gonna be great in Toronto.” _Without me._

“I’m not entirely sure about that. It’s going to be a real challenge there.” _Without you_. “I don’t know if you noticed, but it seemed to me I was defending you better than yourself.”

He had to smile at that. “Someone has to.”

They knew this conversation had come to a natural end. There was some thinking to do, some questions still to answer, and uncharted territory beyond.

Feeling self-conscious, John got up from the chair and picked up his plate, intended for the kitchen sink.

Lise waved him off. “I got it.”

“Uh … ok.” He returned his plate to the table.

She looked over to the additional cartons of Indian food on her kitchen counter. “Hey, by the way. Where did you find New India? I’ve been here for months, and I had no idea. Because they now have a new customer and fan.”

“Yeah, well, I know a guy … and … they saw an opportunity here in Algonquin Bay.”

“Long-standing local connections, is it?”

“Yes, exactly.” He picked up his winter jacket.

She trailed behind him, as he slowly made his way down the stairs. He slipped on his thick coat, slowly, almost reluctant to leave. His left hand grasped on the doorknob, he turned to face her.

“Lise. I … I’m … I’m glad we talked … you know … about a few things …”

“I am too, John. Thanks for bringing dinner tonight.”

“I wanted to say thank you as well … for … uh …”

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly. “What for?”

“After Catherine … for everything …” Lise had been a rock of support in the aftermath.

“It was no problem at all. You’re welcome. You didn’t have to say anything …”

“No, Lise. I needed to say it, I had to.”

“I understand.”

He nodded. “We’re not done talking, are we.”

“No, we’re not. You and I, we’re not exactly the most … open … of people.”

“One step at a time, right? You taught me that.”

She chuckled at that. “Yes, well, that’s true. Thanks for keeping me company.” She reached down and held his right hand in both of hers.

“Yeah.” Him bringing her a thermos of hot coffee to a late-night stake-out, waiting for Randi, stealing snowmobiles. The lilt of Lise’s accented English: warm and gentle.

“Why don’t I come by your place one evening. Say, next weekend?”

He nodded. “If you can put up with the mess.”

“I don’t care about the boxes. As long as you have a table and two chairs, yes?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’ll bring my chili. Besides, you need real proof, evidence that French-Canadian chili is the absolute best.”

He chuckled. “Colour me skeptical. But, I like real proof.”

Her smile was much warmer now. “So do I. I’ll dazzle you with my chili, and we can talk some more then.”

“OK.”

“OK. Well … drive safe. See you tomorrow.”

His hand squeezed hers. “I will. See you.”

Another wordless glance, an unvoiced promise, letting go of each other’s hand, filling in the empty spaces.

John turned the knob, opened the door, and braced for the frigid rush. He took a quick breath and stepped outside, as Lise held the door open. As he trod through the fresh crunch of fallen snow, he could once again feel her eyes on his back. Warm and gentle.

He turned and watched as she slowly closed the door to her apartment. Stepping into the driver’s seat, he set the key into the ignition and started the car.

_I thought I knew what needed to be done, that when I came back to Algonquin Bay, that was it. Maybe, I was wrong._

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, please click on the "Kudos ❤" button, and leave a comment below; I'd love to hear from you.


End file.
